I hate the feeling that I need to endorse the things that I’ve decided to share through social media, more specifically, Instagram.  I think that it’s a somewhat normal feeling for someone living in a social media obsessed world.

I must admit…Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat have me in a very love-hate relationship.  I genuinely like these platforms for the simple fact that I can connect with friends and family that I don’t get to see on a regular basis.  I’ve been able to use Instagram and Facebook to connect with people I otherwise thought I would never see again.  I think it’s awesome!

For example, last week I was able to connect with a friend from high school who I haven’t seen since graduation day!  Now that Instagram has a story feature, I am guilty of posting a lot of videos of my daughter, Gia.  The cool thing is, old friends feel comfortable enough to comment on these videos, which leads to a conversation and reconnection, just like it did for me last week.

I was able to meet up with my said friend from high school to have some much needed mommy talk, as well as meet her darling son.  Not to mention, this was an especially cool reconnection because she now lives in Europe with her husband and baby boy.  This probably never would have happened if it weren’t for social media.

So, that’s the “love” part of my love-hate relationship with social media.  On to the “hate” part…..

I do not enjoy that when I hit the post button I wonder if anyone will like what I’ve shared.  Again, I think this is a common thought amongst many people using these platforms, but I still hate it!  I hate that Facebook and Instagram encourage a kind of hierarchy over how many likes a photo, video or post will get.  I thought popularity contests were over after high school!  I hate that some people judge who you are based on how many likes your latest Instagram post gets.  You should be judging me based on my character and my intellect!  Why do I even care?!  Why does it even matter?!  Do you want the short answer to that?  I don’t care.  It doesn’t matter.

I do have to convince myself at times that I don’t care, or that it really doesn’t matter.  One thing is certain though – I definitely care less and these things matter less because I have a greater purpose in life now.  I am a mother.  I want to teach my daughter that her self worth is not based on how many likes a photo gets.  I want her confidence to come from within.  This is why I am putting myself out there more.  This is why I am writing this blog.

Yesterday I did something that was WAYYY out of my comfort zone.  I posted an Instagram story of me talking directly to whoever decided to view it.  Terrifying right?!  I told my husband that I’d be upstairs attempting to record this story, then he gave me a silly smile and said, “good luck.”

I must have recorded it three times over!  I didn’t record it that many times because I thought I looked and sounded ridiculous.  I wanted to keep some authenticity to it by being myself – hair in a frizzy bun, Lulu Lemon uniform on.  I recorded it more than once because I realized that I didn’t know what I wanted to say.  On the third attempt, it just finally came out with a somewhat natural flow.

The hardest part was rewatching it.  I found myself cringing, doling out all kinds of awful criticism and negative self talk.  I realized that as I was thinking those things about myself that I needed to just stop.  Get over it!  What I was doing to myself was everything I do not want Gia doing to herself as she grows up.  I reminded myself that trying something new like this is going to be far from comfortable, but that’s how I’m going to grow and learn.

So, as awful as social media can be, it can also be something really great.  Yesterday I didn’t let myself delete what I posted.  The longer I kept my posted story up, the more I didn’t care about what others thought of it, or how many people had viewed it.  As corny as it sounds, I felt empowered and excited!

I give so much credit to people who blog for a living and are successful with it.  I can only imagine how hard it is to deal with all of the thoughts I dealt with yesterday, but on a much greater level.  Even though there are plenty of bloggers and social media fixtures out there who have an impressive and loyal following, there are still the haters and bullies trying to cut them down.

No matter who likes, or doesn’t like what you do, keep going.  This is me doing just that!  I know it’s only the beginning, so talk to me in a couple of months and let’s see where I’m at!