Tag: blogging

My Week Long Social Media Detox

AshleyLeave a comment

I’m pretty sure that from the beginning, technology was meant to serve us in a positive way. Social media is supposed to make our lives better by allowing us to have more time and connection to others in our already limited schedules. But are the likes of Instagram and Twitter really adding value to our lives?

I will certainly admit that there are times where I feel like a slave to the social media machine. It’s sometimes hard to totally “log off,” especially when our jobs and lives almost require us to be online. I catch myself scrolling through my Instagram sometimes before even hopping out of bed in the morning, and for what?

Of course social media can be a good thing, but even too much of a good thing can be harmful. For this reason, I decided to take a little break from all things social media for one week. Some of you may scoff and say, “One week is nothing!” While that may be true, at least I’ve remained true to my word for the last week by going completely cold turkey. For me, the main culprit of addiction is Instagram. I use Facebook as well, but Instagram is something that I feel more invested in, for whatever reason.

On day 2 of my detox from the online world, I realized just how much I casually visited Instagram. Day 1 was easy to go without, but the second morning I found my fingers twitching to click that little icon on my phone. Thoughtless Instagram scrolling sometimes serves as a little mommy getaway during nap time or when Gia is happily watching an episode of Sesame Street. But what was it that I was really longing for? Nothing on Instagram that I was “missing” was going to change my life, or make it better for that matter.

On Day 6 of my little detox, I realized I wasn’t even thinking about social media. With this newfound sense of “freedom” I found myself using short bursts of time for more useful things than online scrolling. I’m a pretty productive person, but this past week I’ve been more motivated to just get things done. I’m not sure if it has everything to do with not being so online, but I’ll take it.

During the past week I’ve accomplished a lot – Gia’s big girl bed is in her new room, bedding for it has been ordered, I’ve had family over for dinner, I’ve taken family to appointments and planted in the yard, just to name a few. Along with these to-do’s I’ve also felt more mental clarity. I know that sounds a little wacky, but it’s true. No trying to keep up with the Joneses, less feelings of inadequacy and more pride in the things that I have accomplished. If I can attribute these feelings to less social media usage than I may very well make this a regular thing.

We all know that social media sells a false reality, which can be especially toxic for women. We all usually post our best pictures – many times showing us on our latest adventure, silently proclaiming (with or without intention) how great our life is. Herein lies the comparison problem. It’s extremely difficult to remind ourselves that people post what they want others to see. If you say you don’t, you’re probably lying.

When I first looked at my Instagram feed after not seeing it for a week there was a couple things I noticed. I realized that I didn’t miss much of anything and I immediately had a negative thought creep into my head. After seeing a pregnancy Instagram account post a photo of a woman who was 25 weeks pregnant, I found myself comparing my pregnancy size to her. First off, I’m a couple days shy of 23 weeks, and second – it doesn’t matter! Everything I’ve been trying to stop doing the past week came racing back. I’m just pleased I was able to instantly realize how irrational and ridiculous I was being for thinking I should look like that woman.

The thing about comparing our lives to each other through social media is that it’s completely unfair. Nobody’s profile is perfect – it’s all filtered and sterilized! So why do you and I keep feeling a twinge of despair for not having as many likes and followers as the next person? Here’s where I insert a friendly reminder: Comparison is the thief of joy. A flower doesn’t think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms. Lions don’t concern themselves with the opinions of sheep either. Wish I could say I came up with those quotes, but I didn’t. They are just words I try to remember when I catch myself feeling inadequate after looking at the hottest blogger’s Instagram feed, or my mom friend who seems to always have her stuff together.

One of 30 newly planted friends in my front yard – my beautiful hydrangea:

I understand that we live in a day and age where social media is truly a big part of all of our lives. There’s lots of tangible benefits too – keeping us connected with friends and family from all over, and augmenting our social lives, rather than replacing them.

My biggest takeaway from this personal experiment was that there is so much more to life than meets the eye. My perspectives have been shifted and I’ve been reminded of what’s most important in life – our family, health and happiness.

I read an article prior to going offline for the week about a man who takes a month long break from social media every December. I thought this was a really great idea and would be something that I could benefit from. If I implement this same practice the only thing I will miss are sharing photos of my daughter. (Soon I’ll be saying daughters! Crazy!) Other than that, it sounds like I need to pick my month of the year to go on my vacation from the online world.

Have any of you taken a deliberate break from social media before? I’m curious to hear what it did for you. Leave a comment to let me know your thoughts about what the app addiction is doing to our world.

Xo

Why We Are Having Another Child

Ashley4 Comments

As parents, it seems like Craig and I have finally fully adjusted to life with a little one and now we are adding a little sister to the mix.  Yes, we know we will have to referee many backseat battles and likely have to buy two of everything when it comes to toys – imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, of course!  But what we are most excited for is to witness Gialina and her little sister play with one another and embrace each other in warm hugs.

When Gia was born I realized I would do anything to protect her.  I hope and pray that Gia will experience a similar feeling growing up with a younger sibling.  When baby girl number two comes along and starts to become more independent, our children will learn how to split the last chocolate chip cookie that I made, and hopefully learn how to divide TV time when their favorite show is on.  Obviously these little lessons will take time and there will be bumps in the road, but they will come in handy when they are in school.

Craig and I both grew up with siblings and we couldn’t imagine not giving Gia that same gift.  She might not see it that way in the beginning, but as already experienced by Craig and I, having a built in “playmate” and lifelong friend is wonderful.  There won’t be an urgent need to schedule playdates when Gia’s best friend is in the next room.  I know that some of this talk of being best friends can be wishful thinking on my part.  I am fully aware that siblings fight and sometimes they fight a lot.  I’m also keen to the idea that we are going to raise our children with a strong moral compass, so with that, we believe that our children will love and respect one another for a lifetime.  It’s all about setting a good example and instilling proper values.

In Gia’s almost two years of life, we’ve witnessed such empathy, compassion, humor and intelligence on the daily.  Whether it’s mastering a puzzle or learning to hit a plastic golf ball, we know that Gia will teach her younger sister so many things.  In the same regard, as an older sibling she will learn a lot of patience from our new addition.

As I’ve gotten older, I share so many of my thoughts and problems with my younger brother, Zach.  I hope that Gia and her sister will turn to each other for guidance, just as their funky Unkie and I do.

Pictured here is my brother Zach explaining the finer points of surfing to Gia.  I can’t wait for her to know the bond siblings can share.

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As sister’s they will celebrate so much together – from birthdays to a walk down the aisle, I hope they stand by each other’s side through all of life’s monumental moments.  With those good times also comes tough times – bruised knees, a less than perfect grade, a broken heart.  No matter the problem, siblings should be there to dry each other’s tears and act as a shoulder to lean on.

(Thinking about this next part makes me emotional and teary eyed.) Above all else, we are making our family a family of four because we want Gia to have someone to grow old with.  Friends come and go, but family is forever.  Unfortunately our parents aren’t able to physically be around forever, so having another sibling ensures that Gia will have a blood connection long after Craig and I are gone.

I’m aware that not everyone wants another child, let alone one child.  (I’ve addressed that in my blog before.)  I try to be sensitive to the fact that everyone is free to live their life exactly how they wish, with child or without.  I also know that those who want kids may have difficulty conceiving and may never experience what Craig and I have.  I feel great pain for those who want kids but are unable, and I have great respect  for those who choose to live their life without children, as these are very personal things.  All I know for myself is that I would absolutely regret not having a second child.  I feel like I would be robbing Gia of something that I know is so amazing.  This is why we are adding another girl to our gang.

Soon Gia will be picking flowers with her built in bestie.

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Sidenote:  I know my blog invites opinions of others, but I want to remind everyone to be kind.  By no means do you need to agree with any of my opinions, let’s just be respectful of one another.

I’d love to hear from friends and strangers alike – Why have you decided to have a another child?  Feel free to comment here and don’t forget to follow more of my adventures on my Instagram page, @mrsbennigson.

xo

Not So Frequent Flyer

AshleyLeave a comment

For those of you who follow my Instagram account, @mrsbennigson, you already know that Gia and I took off for a weekend adventure.

For the last few weeks I’ve been wanting to head to Newport Beach to visit my brother. We don’t get to see him all the time and in turn, he doesn’t get to see Gia on the regular. We do what we can with technology and FaceTime, but the real deal is always our first choice.

Initially this trip was just going to be my mom coming down to visit Zach – I always have her for Mother’s Day, so Zach was long over due to have some mom time with her. I thought this would also be a good chance to visit Zach with Gia before baby #2 gets here, because Lord knows that we won’t be hopping on a plane with a toddler and newborn right away.

First of all, my hat is off to parents who regularly travel by air with their little ones. Flying can be stressful with or without kids – delays and being surrounded by loads of people means we aren’t really in full control.

Now, I know a flight from Oakland to Orange County is nothing compared to a transcontinental or international flight, but we had to start somewhere! Thankfully our flight was just over an hour and I armed myself to the teeth to make sure Gia and I would be prepared.

I have to say, we had it pretty easy when it came to luggage and necessities. My mom opted to drive down a day ahead of us because that’s just how it worked out. Luckily enough, I sent the stroller, car seat and our luggage with her. Yes to semi-free hands in the airport! All I needed to concern myself with was the little umbrella stroller and backpack with extra undies, snacks and books for Gia.

I think my biggest worry was the whole potty situation and not being able to get up on the plane during takeoff and landing. Fortunately, Gia was awesome about using the potty exactly when I needed her to.

I tried to think ahead and reserved our seat close to the lavatory. (My pregnant brain/mom brain didn’t fail me with that idea!) Once we boarded the plane Gia just hung on to me so she could snuggle, which is a rarity these days. Right after takeoff she dozed off and later woke before our decent. I offered her some crackers and we took a potty break before getting ready to land. Success!

Once we deplaned we were promptly greeted by my mom, or Gagi (gah-ghee), as Gia likes to call her. Needless to say, I was so proud of Gia while she was at the airport and on the plane. I think she must have been proud of herself too.

Anytime we try something new and unfamiliar it has the potential to be a little nerve wracking. I knew we would ultimately do fine on our first flight (and without daddy), but we all want things to go smoothly, especially with tots in tow.

As I’ve said on my blog many times before, just go for it. Don’t let your nerves or fears stop you from anything! Take the flight, apply for that dream job, go on the date, follow your curiosity wherever it takes you. Once you do it you’ll be glad you did, and you’ll wonder what your hang up was in the first place.

Maybe I’m a little preemptive in this post, as my flight home isn’t until Monday, but in the spirit of positivity, I’m sure we will do just fine on the way home too. I realize not all flying experiences go as planned, so I’m sure I’ll have more travel stories to share in the future – good and bad!

Happy travels and wishing all of the moms out there a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend!

Xo

Raising Strong, Confident Daughters

Ashley3 Comments

One thing I’ve already begun to realize over the last year and a half, or so, is that bringing up daughters is complicated: Messages of empowerment and achievement are everywhere, yet depression and anxiety plague so many.

I know these things because I am still a daughter even though I’m now also a mother. I know these things because I never want Gialina and her sister to go through the hard things that I went through. I want to raise my girls to be their best, well-rounded selves despite so many negative outside influences in our world.

During a routine morning not long ago, I was looking in our downstairs mirror. I lifted my shirt to look at my stomach – I’d recently found out I was pregnant with Gia’s sister. I was checking for any signs of a growing baby in my stomach and caught myself feeling a little bit upset. I was upset because I selfishly thought about how hard it will be to watch my body grow through another pregnancy. Although the creation of life is truly an amazing miracle, it can really do a number on a woman’s mindset and body confidence. In my case, I suffered from an eating disorder during my early twenties and although I am healthy today, the negative voices are still there and will always need to be tamped down.

After checking myself out for a quick moment I realized that my daughter Gia had been watching my every move, as she always does. To my surprise and slight horror, she walked over to where I was standing and proceeded to lift her shirt to show her tummy. She clearly was just mimicking mommy, but this instance just goes to show you that your children are always watching, listening and learning from you.

I love having a daughter and I am thrilled to be a girl-mom once again, but nothing annoys me more than when someone says, “Oooh, two girls! You sure are in for it!”

I feel like I was born to parent girls because of the challenges I overcame that tend to overwhelmingly affect women. God gave me not only one, but two girls so that I could teach them to love themselves as much as I should have been loving myself through my eating disorder. I’m excited to be raising two strong little girls, but even this early on it can feel like walking a tightrope.

Part of me is so excited for their future. There are so many female role models out there for them to aspire to be like. Unfortunately, there are also things like stress, anxiety and depression that come with high achievement. When my girls grow up and are doing everything possible to be all that they can, I want them to enjoy it. Like any parent, I want my girls to have boundless opportunity, but more than that, I want them to be happy. The bigger part of that is making sure they are ready for whatever challenges they will someday face.

Know the impact you will have on your child – celebrate their uniqueness, praise their imperfections and instill social confidence.

I know that I will always try to raise strong, confident daughters, but I also realize that they will be who they will be. I can’t make my daughters be something they weren’t meant to be. I just hope and pray that I continue to be the best parent that I can be through their challenging teen years and young adult lives.

Looking at Gia sitting beside me right now also makes me relish the simplicity of toddlerhood. She is completely unfiltered and totally herself in this moment. In a couple of years she will be more aware of the opinions of others, but I hope she holds on to her own opinions while remaining kind, strong-willed and unique.

Xo

Reading – The Discount Ticket To Everywhere

AshleyLeave a comment

Ever since I was a young girl I’ve always had a love for books and reading.  I’m not too biased when it comes to genres, but I’ve noticed that I tend to stay away from things that lean towards sci-fi and fantasy.  Not to say that there aren’t plenty of good books in those categories, I just don’t gravitate towards them.

Lately I’ve been binge reading when I can – nap time and when Gia is asleep for the night.  I’ve realized that come October, my life will look very different and it probably won’t include reading for leisure for a very long time.  With a toddler and a baby on the way I might not read for fun until they fly the coop!  Well, that’s probably a bit of an exaggeration, but I certainly won’t have much “me” time, which I’m a-okay with.  Until this baby girl arrives, I’ll be reading as much as I can when my time allows it.

I’m always on the lookout for new books and I’m a huge fan of reading actual books – no Kindle or iPad here.  I’ve done the whole “read on your iPad thing,” and it’s not quite the same.  I like the idea of picking up my book, dog-earing the page (if you’re type A like me you use a book mark and avoid the dog-ear at all costs), then storing the book on a shelf where you can build up your library.  I’ve got a few books that I’ve recently finished and really, really enjoyed, so I figured why not share them?

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Disclaimer:  These books are mostly phycological thriller types with some sort of crime fighting.  (I think I’m going through a major phase!)

The first book that I’ll recommend is an unbelievable true story of the man who built a billion-dollar online drug empire from his bedroom – and almost got away with it.  It’s called, “American Kingpin,” by Nick Bolton.

My dad was the one who said I should pick it up.  He hasn’t read it himself, but he saw a few book reviews in the newspaper months back and saved it for me.  My dad does old school things like read the entire paper every single morning, and he saves good articles for me or cuts out funny little comics to make me laugh.  I think it’s really sweet.

Anyway, back to the book.  It’s about this twenty-something guy who is super libertarian and is a programmer.  He is a really brilliant young man who basically launched the ultimate free market:  the Silk Road.  This website was located on the dark web and people who used it could trade anything – drugs, hacking software, forged passports, counterfeit cash, poisons, EVERYTHING.  All of this was being done free of the govenment’s watchful eye.

As the site begins to grow, Ross, the creator, quickly has a huge enterprise on his hands and becomes this big kingpin.  There’s tons of twists and turns, lucky breaks and crazy close calls.  To sum it up, it’s the story of the boy next door’s ambition gone criminal.  If Hollywood doesn’t make a movie out of this I’ll be truly disappointed!

The second book I want to recommend is one that I just finished yesterday.  Kind of like with “American Kingpin,” this book really would make for a great movie – “UNSUB,” by Meg Gardiner.  What I enjoyed a lot about this book was that it was set in the Bay Area, so it was fun to recognize all of the landmarks and places they referenced as the story progressed.

This book seemed like it could have been inspired by the Zodiac Killer.  It’s about this young, female detective who is totally determined to catch a serial murderer who ruined her family life as a kid and terrorized the entire Bay Area for years and years.

The main character, Caitlin, is a new detective whose father is a retired detective.  Her now retired father was hunting for the same serial killer she is now trying to apprehend.  This killer committed weirdly ritualized murders when Caitlin’s father was a detective.  Twenty years after the first killings, the murderer resurfaces and starts tormenting Caitlin and the entire Bay Area yet again.

The book is filled with lots of twisted messages from the serial killer, but Caitlin is relentless in her pursuit and becomes dangerously obsessed, like her father once was.

There’s lots of the unexpected throughout this story and it ends making you think there could be a sequel.  I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed for a follow-up novel!

I don’t know about all of you, but when I finish a book I already have the next one lined up.  My next read falls into the same crime/thriller category and is part of a series that Craig got me started on – “Violets Are Blue,” by James Patterson.  Maybe I’ll share another little book review in the near future after I’ve read this and a few more books that are on deck.

After I finish this James Patterson book I’m going to change up my routine by reading a self-help style book called, “Judgment Detox,” by Gabrielle Bernstein.  After all, we can all be a little kinder to ourselves, even if it means reading a book like this one.

xo

A Birth Story: Gialina Eve

Ashley2 Comments

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There are two days in my life that I will never forget – one is my wedding day and the other is the day Gialina was born.  I know lots of mommy bloggers share their birth stories, so initially I shied away from the idea of sharing mine.  What changed my mind is that everyone’s story is so unique and beautiful.  There is no right way to give birth and no mother should be shamed for going through natural delivery, an epidural or a c-section.  So much is out of your control when you bring another life into the world and any way that your child arrives is a perfect miracle.

I used to dislike saying that childbirth is such a miracle (silly me – that was before I actually went through it), but as cliche as it sounds, that’s the only way to describe it.  So, so much can go wrong from the time of conception until you meet your baby.   Inevitably, the wold miracle is the only proper one that encompasses the whole process.

I’d like to start by saying that the day I gave birth was just an ordinary day, but it sure didn’t feel that way to me.  I was so done with being pregnant!  Gia’s due date was July 28th, 2016, but our little lady arrived according to her own plan an entire week late.  The morning of August 4th, 2016 I had a pre-scheduled appointment with my OB/GYN.  That morning I felt pretty normal and remember the slightest little stomach cramps.  Of course my brain went straight to “I must be in labor!”

I was hoping that once Craig and I got to the hospital for my doctor’s appointment that they would confirm that I was in labor and I could just stay there and get ready to welcome our daughter.  WRONG!  I got all hooked up to some contraption to check and see if I was actually contracting and in labor, and the answer was a big fat no.  Come to find out, I was only dilated 1cm.  Womp, womp.  I was so bummed to hear this because I was thinking that this was it.  My doctor reminded me that things can change quickly, so don’t let yourself get too fixated on it.  Either way, I was penciled in for induction a few days later if mother nature didn’t get things moving on her own.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting induced.  Modern medicine is amazing and whatever my doctor thought was best for the baby was what I was going to do.  I have to admit that I really, really did not want to be induced.  I had heard a lot of stories about induction and it being a lot more painful, due to the pitocin that is given.

I took my doctor’s advice and just tried to relax as much as possible and not let my body get stressed.  Since I realized again that I was not the one in control here, I went about my day the way I usually would.  I opted for a walk in the neighborhood instead of heading to the gym like I had everyday prior.

Most of the remainder of the day was spent at my mom and dad’s house.  No matter how old I get, I will still always need my mom and that’s who I wanted to be near (along with my husband, of course) if I happened to go into labor.  So, Craig and I hung out at my parents house until my brother flew in from Orange County and my dad got home from work. (Since there was a possibility of being induced, my parents flew my brother home for Gia’s birth.)

All afternoon I was feeling oddly crampy.  I was uncomfortable but it felt more annoying to me than anything else.  I kept asking my mom and Craig, “Am I in labor?  Don’t you think I would know?  I can’t tell if I’m in labor or not.”  I know that sounds ridiculous, but I didn’t know what to expect, as I’ve never even experienced menstrual cramps, let alone childbirth.

We decided it couldn’t hurt to time the “possible” contractions.  I was all over the board when it came to timing these cramps, as I called them.  I was in complete denial that I was in labor and was able to sit and have dinner before I told Craig it was time to go home.

Keeping it real with this one – Here I am, clueless as to the fact that I’d be giving birth very soon:

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Since my dad and brother had arrived home, the house was getting a little louder and I found myself becoming irritable and wanted to be in the quiet of our own home.  Craig and I grabbed our things and were walking down the hallway towards the front door when, yep, you guessed it – my water broke!  It wasn’t at all like what the movies make it out to be.  I literally felt like I had peed my pants and couldn’t stop.

I remember screaming in disbelief, excitement and let’s be real, fear – “MY WATER BROKE, MY WATER BROKE!”  Thankfully, Craig was so on top of things and was dialing labor and delivery before I could think to do it.  The nurses on the other line instructed me to get in the shower and rinse off before making my way to the hospital.

Lucky for me my water broke right next to the downstairs bathroom, so I just went a few steps and took my quick shower.  That’s when sh*t started to get real.  My contractions came like a bat out of hell, fast and furious, almost immediately after my water broke.  Things were so intense that I could hardly get to the car.  I’m pretty sure I just hovered over the passenger seat while Craig drove faster than I’d like to know to get me to the hospital, which was maybe 12 minutes away or so.

I made Craig run the last light before getting to the hospital because I was literally about to give birth in the car.  Craig parked his car in the middle of the emergency room driveway, grabbed me a wheelchair and pushed me into the ER asking how to get to labor and delivery from there.  Everyone was literally staring at us saying nothing until the security guard chimed in and said, “this lady is about of have a baby, get her upstairs!”

Once I was upstairs I was brought to a delivery room right way.  The nurses were so calm and nice, and even making me laugh through my contractions.  Don’t get me wrong people, I was by no means comfortable.  I distinctly remember telling the nurse that I wasn’t opposed to getting an epidural if this was how I was currently feeling.  No need to try and be the hero, right?!

The nurse told me she needed to check me first before she could give me a yay or nay on the epidural.  All you mamas out there are probably thinking, girl it’s too late for that.  The nurse confirmed and said word for word, “Oh no, honey, you’re having a baby right now.”  I was already fully dilated, so I asked the nurse if I could push now.

During all of this chaos, Craig’s car is still in the ER driveway.  He asked the nurse if he should go move it (DUH!), but she said, “Not if you want to miss the birth of your child.”  Thank goodness my family was right behind us on the way to the hospital, so Craig literally tossed my brother his keys, so he could move his car.

I sat down on that delivery bed right around 8 p.m. and I think I pushed maybe five times and she was out by 8:31 p.m.  I had never felt more like Wonder Woman in my entire life.  Well, I should say I felt like Wonder Woman who just got a really good beat down by the bad guy.  I did it!  I was holding our beautiful daughter, who had a head full of hair and the sweetest little face.  When the nurses were weighing her I remember fixating on her hands and feet because I couldn’t get over how big they were.  I was in utter disbelief that she was just inside of me and I was able to push her out.  She was no tiny baby either.  Gia was a healthy 8 lbs 15 oz and 20 inches long.

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Giving birth to our daughter is my proudest moment and I will never tire of telling the story of her arrival.  Women’s bodies are amazing and capable of enduring so much.  I have to say, there was moment after the nurse told me that I couldn’t have an epidural that I got scared.  I questioned if I was strong enough to do it.  I was strong enough, and every time that I look at my daughter today, I cannot believe she is part of me.

I was grateful to be able to have such a quick delivery, but that doesn’t mean it any easier.  I’m just glad I wasn’t laboring and pushing for hours like many women do.  Those women are the real tough ones!  We are all goddesses, whether we have given birth or not, all women are amazing and capable of doing anything.  Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder every now and then!

xo

Reflecting On A Busy Year & Preparing For 2018

Ashley2 Comments

Here we are, yet again.  We are days away from saying goodbye to another year and getting ready to welcome a fresh start for 2018.  This is the time where people begin to think about making resolutions for the year to come.  Normally I don’t make a resolution.  I thought I’d flip the script just a little bit, while it’s great to make new goals for the upcoming year, it’s equally as important to reflect on the year that has passed.  I’m feeling especially inspired to start my 2018 with a clear mind, positive thoughts and heaps of gratitude, thanks to a very, very popular blogger.  I’m taking the time to write a few things down and share them with you, at the suggestion of Julia Engel.  Head to her blog, Gal Meets Glam, to see the post that has encouraged me to do some reflecting.

Now Julia isn’t the only one doing the encouraging – I encourage any of you reading my blog to follow suit and do as I am doing here.  Take an hour to yourself to reflect, show appreciation and yes, plan for a good start to 2018.

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5 things I’m proud that I accomplished this past year:

  1. Sold our first home and purchased our current home.  Life is stressful in many ways, and I’ve realized that moving homes is close to the top of my stressors list.  I’m happy that we are settled in our house and it already feels like we have been here for years.  I definitely look forward to continue making it ours.
  2. Started blogging again.  I follow a lot of different bloggers through their Instagram accounts.  Although I’m not an “accomplished” blogger, I feel that I’ve already become successful.  When I say successful I mean that I successfully put my mind to something, followed through and continued to write, regardless of the opinions of others.  That’s a win in my book for sure!
  3. Deliberately went out of my comfort zone.  Although this does not pinpoint one specific thing, it’s an accomplishment nonetheless.  I’ve done things like take Gia on road trips, try completely new workouts and deviate from our routines.  I’m sure these sound small to outsiders, but for me they’re huge.
  4. Survived the ups and downs of my first year as a parent.  When Gia turned one in August, it wasn’t just a birthday celebration.  It was also a chance for Craig and I to look at each other and say, “we did it!”  The first year of parenthood is magical, but it is freakin’ tough!  Anyone who tells you otherwise is not telling you the whole truth.  From sleepless nights, to that first little giggle, all of it is so memorable in it’s own unique way.
  5. Regained my sense of self.  After having Gia in August of 2016, I dealt with a lot of new feelings about myself.  Many of those feelings about myself weren’t so positive and were likely related to postpartum hormones.  I was able to feel like me again after remembering to make myself a priority.  After all, if I don’t take good care of myself, how can I take care of anyone else?

One of my favorite accomplishments of the year – celebrating Gia’s 1st birthday!

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5 things I want to tackle in 2018:

  1. Do more yoga.  I think I’ve said this for the past three years.  I start the year off doing some yoga and then I fall off the wagon.  This year I want to do it for my mind, to keep my body loose and prevent injury from my more traditional workouts in the gym.
  2. Hold weekly meetings with myself.  I’ll even admit it, this one is lofty.  It sounds really simple, but it’s not that easy.  I want these “meetings” to be a check-in where I can refocus and align my to-do lists with my high-level priorities.
  3. Maximize my time.  I’m going to try and implement a two-minute rule.  Any action that can be carried out in two minutes or less will need to be completed right away.  I’ll be able to finish small tasks before they pile up and take more mental space than they deserve.
  4. Learn to control my emotions.  It’s not like I have uncontrolled anger and need anger management classes, but certain emotions are destructive in all circumstances.  Gaining control over my feelings will allow me to continue to keep a level head and think more rationally, even during emotionally charged situations.
  5. Volunteer.  I want to do good for myself, but I also want to do good for others in the upcoming year.  The times that I have volunteered, or donated, gave me a sense of purpose, made life a little more meaningful, and made me happy.

Now that I’ve listed a few things I’ve accomplished this year and a few things I’d like to tackle this coming year, I want to continue the trend of making lists.  This next one is going to be one that I jot down on paper and keep to myself though.  Feel free to join in and do it too.  Again, these are ideas I’ve followed from one of my favorite bloggers, Julia Engel, of Gal Meets Glam.

I’m writing down the names of five people (or as many as you like) who were my best supporters during my hardest and happiest times this year.  My plan is to send them a note of appreciation to thank them and remind them of what their actions and presence has meant to me.  These are the people who have contributed to my own personal growth.

The last thing I’d like to do is scroll through the photos on my iPhone and find five pictures that make me happiest when thinking about that memory.  That is going to be hard to do and take quite a bit of time, considering how many thousands of photos of Gia are in my phone.  I’ll be honest, I’m going to save the scrolling for another day.  It will likely be long after Gia has gone to bed for the night – that’s when I do most of my scrolling anyway!

I hope that in 2018 my thoughts become actions.  The act of doing is contagious and with that, accomplishments can come closer each day.  I can’t expect all of my goals for 2018 to happen in January, but with lots of hard work, a little faith and some action, I’ll get them done.

Happy New Year to all!

xo

 

Those Who Matter Don’t Mind & Those Who Mind Don’t Matter

AshleyLeave a comment

So, this morning it was brought to my attention by someone who read my blog post from yesterday, that the post was “offensive to a lot of people who can’t have children, or are childless by choice.”  This was juuuust the tip of the iceberg.

First off, I am saddened and quite frankly, shocked that this was how my post came across to this reader.  I stated in the post that it was not meant to offend or single out anyone or any single incident in my life.  I know that my little disclaimer doesn’t prevent people from being offended or sharing personal opinions.  I just wanted to come and clarify, for lack of a better way to put it, that I meant no harm.

I always post with the best of intentions, while keeping in mind that I want to stay true to myself and be authentic.  It has taken me many years to realize that I should just do what I love and be me!  Now that I’m actually doing that I feel a bit taken aback.

Second, I was not aware that a single reader could speak for ALL who are childless, by choice or otherwise.  I felt it unfair to have one person make such a blanket statement for a group of people who may have differing opinions than the one they tried to present to me via message.

Let me include that this person is childless, as I’m sure you could have guessed.  There is nothing wrong with deciding that having children isn’t for you.  There is also a countless amount of people who struggle to have a child, which I most definitely sympathize with.

I am honestly hurt that someone could say that my post was “a scathing vent of why my time is more important than any of my childless friends.”  Let’s be clear here….EVERYONE’S time is important and I am not saying that my worth is more than someone who is without children.  That couldn’t be furthest from the truth!  The people who really know me well know that I am a good person who would never claim superiority because I am a mother.  True friends are people who will seek to understand.

My post was meant to humor those who do have kids and help them see that as parents, we all go through growing pains.  Yes, I realize that when I chose to start blogging that others would give their personal opinions, and that’s great.  This is a discussion board of sorts, and I’m glad this person messaged me because I can always learn something from these kinds of interactions.  What I think is a bummer is that the message also affirmed that there are people who are not willing to have a dialogue, and will cut you out.

The hurtful message assumed so much wrong about me and the point I was trying to convey. Since I have a blog that revolves around being a mother, fitness, cooking and family (all things I love), am I not able to talk about those things for fear of constantly “offending” someone else who has a differing opinion?  So, now am I an insensitive person because I talk about being a mother??  Am I not allowed to talk about the role that has changed my life, just because I’m afraid I will hurt the feelings of someone who is struggling to become a mother?  That sounds pretty ridiculous to me, especially considering it was not easy for me to become pregnant.

I will continue to write about things that interest me, things I’m passionate about and yes, I will absolutely write about what it’s like having a child!  Blogging will always invite opinions and discussions, some of which might be hard to accept.  In turn, since this is my space to share my opinions, you now know my opinion of the message I received.  As a side note, this was the only negative commentary I received on yesterday’s post.  I received many in support of what I wrote and thanking me for being open and honest.  I’ll never please everyone, so it’s best if I just come to terms with that now!

So here it is….I’m warning all of you now that if you don’t like what I write or if it’s offensive, you can stop reading my posts just like this individual did.  We all have a choice.  🙂

Things People Without Kids Need To Understand

Ashley9 Comments

Okay, I get it.  I need to be compassionate, and most days I am.  I need to remember that people without children don’t know what it’s like to have them.  After all, I was one of those people 16 short months ago.  But, now my life is totally different.

I understand that when you don’t have kids you still care….you just don’t get it.  There’s no way you can help someone who doesn’t want kids, or is yet to have them, understand this whole mom thing.  I’m a different person now than I was before I had Gia.

Sometimes my wish is that those who are without children, especially those who know and love me, would pull up a chair, take a seat and let me explain a few things.  I feel like it would benefit both parties.  (No, this post was not prompted by anyone or any specific incident, and it’s certainly not meant to offend anyone.)  So, here we go:

  1. Meeting up last minute doesn’t work for me.  I used to be free spirited when it came to meeting up for an impromptu happy hour, or coffee date.  These days, I need to bring my busy toddler with me, along with a full arsenal of her “things.”  Basically, this kind of stuff takes a little planning, so I need a few hours notice to successfully meet up!
  2. It can take me hours to respond to text messages and days for voicemails.  Don’t read into my lack of urgency in responding to you.  It is what it is.  I just haven’t been able to get back to you because I’m busy putting my child down for a nap, washing dishes, or actually taking a shower.  Trust me, I care about you and want to give your text or message attention, but only when I can sit down and give it the thoughtfulness that it deserves.
  3. Let me show you what a real mess is.  Spit-up, diapers, baby food, bottles, dishes, toys everywhere and a few unmentionables.  If you want to feel better about the state of messiness that your home is in, just stop by my place after hurricane Gia has played all day.
  4. Do not tell me how exhausted you are, even though I know you’re allowed to be tired too.  Okay, you’re tired, but I’m a walking zombie.  Sleep regressions are real people!  Teething babies, sick babies, you name it, it means less sleep.  (All worth it of course!)
  5. Yes, I have to, and more importantly, want to bring my child with me.  I’ve missed out on countless invites to things because people simply think I can’t come now that I have Gia.  If you don’t ask me I certainly can’t join.  Now, I can join, if it’s okay with you that I bring my child.  This probably means interrupted conversation, food everywhere and if we’re lucky, maybe even a meltdown.  No, I can’t just let her sit in her stroller while we sip on a glass of wine on the patio of the newest restaurant somewhere.  She won’t just sit still and lay in the sun like your dog.
  6. I just don’t have time.  I’m usually cleaning my child, feeding my child, or trying to prevent her from getting into something that she shouldn’t be getting into.
  7. Parenting ain’t easy.  Insert comment from non-parent here: “I will never do _____ when I have children.” 😐
  8. No, I can’t just make my toddler stop crying when she’s having a meltdown.  One year old children can’t use their words, because they simply don’t know enough of them!  Even if they do, crying and getting upset tells me they need something.
  9. I constantly talk about my daughter, so you’ll have to get used to it.  I just love her more than life, so in turn, I love talking about her.
  10. Raising a pet is not the same as raising a human.  It’s just not.  The end.
  11. I post lots of pictures of my child.  I can’t help it!  I just think she’s amazing in every way.  It’s my prerogative.  If you think I shouldn’t post her photo to social media, that’s fine.  Feel free to unfollow me or roll your eyes in the privacy of your own home.
  12. I still need you.  And I’m still here for you too, I just keep odd hours.  My friends without kids shouldn’t feel like they can’t call me anytime.  I just might not respond or answer right away.  (See #2)  My life won’t be this chaotic forever….well, it might be, but eventually my little girl is going to grow up.  She will have friends, school and activities that keep her occupied and engaged.  She won’t need me as much as she does now, which makes me sad, yet proud.  By then I’m sure I’ll have a little more time to be the type of friend I want to be.  Although, by then, you might have one of your own.  At that time, I’ll just read this list I made to remind myself of what you might want me to understand.

This shot of Gia sums things up pretty well.  Dirty face, getting into something, all while living her best life.  I wouldn’t change a thing!

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Healthy Gingerbread Muffins VS. Traditional Gingerbread

Ashley2 Comments

It’s a good thing I love to work out because I also like to eat good food.  As they say, “everything in moderation!”  For some that can be a hard saying to live by during the holiday season with so many parties, cookie swaps and family gatherings all centered around food.  The holidays are definitely the time of year where many people indulge more than usual, but rightfully so!

With moderation in mind, I wanted to share two recipes that I came across for gingerbread.  One is a healthier muffin version and the other is for all you traditionalists – a classic gingerbread.

But first, here’s Gia helping in the kitchen:

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For those of you who follow my Instagram account, I’ve shared some of my baking escapades over the last few days.  On Monday, Gia and I made the healthy gingerbread muffins, which were a total hit with her (and the dog – oops).  Gia has had one muffin everyday for the last three days!  As for Homie, our Frenchie, he got ahold of a muffin that Gia accidentally dropped yesterday.  Unbelievably, Gia didn’t mean to drop it.  Thankfully Homie didn’t get sick after devouring the totally off-limits treat, he just had excessive gas, which isn’t too far from the usual for him.  Sorry, TMI!  Anyone who owns a French Bulldog can sympathize.

I finally tasted the healthier gingerbread muffins the morning after I made them.  I decided the muffin would taste good with some espresso, so that’s what I paired it with.  The flavors of the muffin were there, but it was on the dry side.  I totally expected that would happen, due to the “healthier” ingredients.  For those who are wanting a taste of the holiday but also want to be mindful of what they’re eating, it’s a good compromise.  The downside is, it might just leave you yearning for the old school version with all the calories.

I knew I had to make some traditional gingerbread after my husband, Craig, dubbed me a junior baker after making “healthy” muffins.  Let’s say I’ve regained my usual title of household iron chef after making the real deal!

I found the recipe for this classic gingerbread from another blogger that I enjoy following – Jenna Beaugh, known as @eatliverun on Instagram.  I love following her Instagram account because she is someone I can relate to.  Jenna is a mom of two boys and is a food and travel writer who is based here in the Bay Area – Berkeley to be exact.  She keeps it real with the ups and downs that come with motherhood and she is always sharing great recipes.  Go follow her!

We have yet to taste the recipe that I used from Jenna because the gingerbread has literally just popped out of the oven.  The plan is to bring it to my grandmother’s tonight for my family to enjoy for dessert.  We’re going to have an early dinner, followed by some fun at Tilden Park.

Gia is going to ride the steam trains and look at all of the Christmas lights and decorations this evening.  It should be fun!  I’m looking forward to taking her somewhere that I went as a child.

I hope everyone’s having a great holiday season so far!  For those wanting these recipes, here you go:

Healthy Gingerbread Muffins

Ingredients

  • 1.5 cups of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1.5 tsp. cinnamon
  • 3/4 tsp. ground ginger
  • 1/4 tsp. ground cloves
  • 1/4 tsp. salt
  • 3 tbsp. coconut oil (melted & cooled to warm)
  • 1/4 cup maple syrup
  • 1/4 cup blackstrap molasses
  • 1 egg @ room temp
  • 1 tsp. vanilla
  • 1/3 cup plain non-fat Greek yogurt
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk (I used whole milk for Gia)
  • coarse sugar for sprinkling (optional)

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Preparation

  • Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees, line muffin tins.
  • In a large bowl whisk flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves & salt.  Set aside.
  • In a separate bowl, add coconut oil, maple syrup, molasses, egg, yogurt and milk. Whisk until smooth.  Add dry ingredients, mix until well combined.
  • Pour batter in muffin liners, filling halfway, sprinkle with coarse sugar.
  • Bake 18-22 minutes. (Makes 12 muffins.)

Jenna Beaugh’s Gingerbread

According to Jenna, this recipe is from her great grandmother.  The original recipe is from the 1930s, so Jenna updated it with a couple of tweaks.  I’m sitting here letting mine cool and it smells fantastic!  Click here to get the full recipe.

Happy baking!

xo