Tag: marriage

Mother’s Day vs. Father’s Day: Both Are Important!

Ashley2 Comments

Regardless of your views and beliefs about religion, Christmas is easily one of the most recognized holidays across the globe.  So why is it that Easter, another very important religious holiday, can’t compete with the month-long extravaganza that is Christmas?  Easter is clearly the runner-up to Christmas, whether we want to admit it or not.

Likewise, retailers and bloggers have done their best to whip shoppers into a frenzied state prior to this Father’s Day weekend.  Despite these efforts, Father’s Day seems to be treated with far less reverence than Mother’s Day.  It’s no secret that Mother’s Day gets a lot of attention, but I’ll argue that Father’s Day doesn’t typically receive the same level of interest.  Why is that???

When May rolls around each year, florists, chocolatiers and the trendiest brunch joints extol the importance of showing profound gratitude for all mothers.  The way Father’s Day is marketed and treated with far less seriousness.  Even though I shouldn’t be complaining, this kind bugs me.

Yes, Gia’s dad, Craig, is a lovable buffoon at times, but he is by no means a dimwitted figure who couldn’t possibly be expected to be bothered with feeding or bathing our daughter without first being issued step-by-step instructions.  (I am guilty of leaving him detailed lists of what to do with Gia, as well as checking in on them when they’re alone, but part of that is me just being me.)

It’s 2018 people.  Men are more involved than ever in the day-to-day caring of their kids.  There are countless mornings when I’m on my way to the gym, with Gia in tow and I see the neighborhood elementary school yard filled with fathers.  They’re making sure their kids don’t jump into the street, holding backpacks and giving hugs and kisses before seeing their little ones off to school.  My local parks overflow with dads who seem especially doting.

Just yesterday as I walked into my gym, a member who I’m friendly with asked, “Where’s the baby?”  I kindly said that she was with daddy having fun until I got home and it was his turn to head to the gym for his workout.  What I wanted to say was, “She’s home alone watching TV and making sure the house doesn’t burn down.”  Come on – where do you think she is??  Why are fathers seen as the “babysitters” and moms are seen as the “real” parent?

In my humble opinion, it’s insulting to all moms and dads.  Yes, there may or may not be more pressure and unrealistic expectations placed on mothers, but this message we are sending is that fathers are less devoted.  That’s simply not the case.  Dad’s are not an afterthought and it’s time we start acting like Father’s Day is just as important as Mother’s Day – because it is!

I’m sure all of us want the father figures in our lives to feel special on Father’s Day each and every year.  In my family, the fathers are probably okay without a purchased gift, but I enjoy shopping for the occasion anyway.  For some, Father’s Day may be more challenging to shop for than Mother’s Day, but remember, it’s not about the gift.  Just like mom, dad wants to feel appreciated and be told that he’s doing a good job.

I am not the sole nurturer of my child because my husband plays a huge role in that as well.  Craig, if you’re reading this, you are a fantastic father.  Expressing my thanks publicly like this for all of your unconditional love will never be enough.  Your contributions to this family exceed all expectations.  You are our provider, protector and a strong individual that we all should try to emulate.  Thank you for never shying away from wiping a dirty baby bum, or putting our daughter to sleep.  I appreciate the selfless care and protection you provide to us on a daily basis.  We love you beyond measure.

Here’s to all of the fathers out there.  May all your days with your family be filled with love, but especially so this Father’s Day.

xo

#MomSoHard

Ashley8 Comments

As parents we try our very best to be the ultimate caretakers, protectors, providers and nurturers, but some days we feel like we just flat out suck. If there’s one thing I know, I am not alone with these feelings.

Becoming a parent has hands down been the greatest thing I’ve ever done, yet it’s also been the absolute hardest. Gialina has the power to melt me or crush me with a single word, look, or gesture. It’s almost as if I’m at the mercy of a tiny dictator….an adorable tiny dictator.

I think about how Craig and I made the decision for me to be a stay-at-home mom and I know it has been the best decision for our family. With that, some days I can’t help but think about the single parents, the working parents and parents of multiple kids who seem to always get everything done, and without complaint.

On my tough days at home with Gia I try and remember parents who have it a lot harder than me (the stay-at-home parent raising three kids under three, the parent who cries when dropping their child off at daycare, and the parent working two jobs who just can’t catch a break). I should be so grateful to stay home and raise my daughter, knowing she’s learning from me. I am grateful of course, but it’s not picture perfect, nor should it be.

Being a mom is hard. I’m alone most of the time and that takes a toll on my mental health. When I say alone, I’m with my daughter, but obviously talking to her is very different than talking to an adult. I sit in my own thoughts and that can have a negative snowball effect on me at times.

It’s easy for me to judge myself and feel guilty about most anything related to parenting. I know many parents feel that same guilt, so I’m not alone, but man….it still feels lonely.

I feel like I didn’t do my best as a mom if I didn’t talk enough to Gia, play enough, take her to the park, etc. These thoughts are completely ridiculous, I know. She gets plenty of stimulation doing the countless things we do at home.

Then there’s that other guilt I get. Guilt from not folding the laundry right away, from not picking up the play room (even though I’ve done it three times already), guilt from not making Craig a lunch for work, etc. After all, my job is to take care of Gia and our family home.

The days I don’t do it all, or don’t feel like doing it all make me feel like I’ve lost. If this is my “job” and what I choose to do then I should be doing better at it, right?! No. I’m doing the best I can, just like everyone else.

Yesterday was a day where I felt like I just couldn’t win. The second Craig walked in the door I felt better because I had my partner in life home. At the same time I was upset that Gia could care less about me because he was home. I’m so glad that she loves both of us so deeply, but I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy. I’m with her all day, everyday, bending over backwards to give her everything she needs. Daddy is gone at work, so of course she misses him. I feel bad for having those feelings, but they’re honest.

Once Craig had changed from work and asked me what he could do to help with dinner, etc. I asked if he wouldn’t mind bathing Gia for me. When I walked down the hall to see how they were doing, any feelings of envy disappeared. Appreciation was what I felt in that moment instead.

Tubby time with daddy:

We are all just trying our best to make it through each day, whether we have kids or not. Don’t judge the mom in the grocery store because her clothes are covered in dog hair and don’t judge the person on BART falling asleep after a long day at work. You don’t know what they might be dealing with in their personal life, or how long they were up with their kids the night before.

Xo

Love, Marriage & A Baby Carriage

Ashley2 Comments

Today is as good a day as any to publicly talk about how wonderful my husband is, especially because it’s our wedding anniversary.  This year has gone by faster than the last, simply because we are always chasing our growing girl, Gia.  I now know what it means when people tell me to cherish special moments because time goes by in the blink of an eye.

It’s hard to believe that Craig and I have been together for seven years total, three of which are as a married couple.  This last year has certainly been one of the best because we don’t just share life as a family of two anymore.  Seeing how far we have come since our first days as boyfriend and girlfriend is pretty cool.  To some degree, you always imagine what your life will be like when you’re married – I couldn’t have dreamed up a better life or found a better partner for myself.  Marrying Craig truly is the best decision I’ve ever made.

Here we are on our wedding day:

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How our relationship began is a pretty good story too, so I’d like to share that with those of you who don’t know it.  For those of you who’ve heard this tale before, feel free to step away from whatever device you are reading this on and move on to whatever is on your to-do list.

I first knew of Craig when I was in middle school.  Yes, we happened to go to the same middle school, as well as live approximately one mile apart from each other.  I’m not going to say I “met” Craig then because we were like 10 years old and only passed each other in the halls.  What I do remember of Craig from that time was he always had a baseball hat on and had a big super hero type of grin (he still has that grin today).

This is the type of smile I think of when I see Craig smile:

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I do remember hearing my dad talk about Craig and his baseball achievements often though.  I mentioned in my last post that our dad’s worked together as police officers in the same city for almost their entire career – well, they would brag about whatever it was that their kids were up to to anyone within earshot.  For Craig and I, our dad’s liked to share our sports stories.

I played softball my entire life, all the way though college.  Craig played baseball through college and played with the Colorado Rockies system for six years.  I guess you could say we had some things in common.  I’m not sure if Craig will or will not admit to hearing about me growing up, but he does tell people that we had an arranged marriage.  He can be a jokester, just like his dad.  Both of them are really just kids in adult bodies.

Okay, so back to going to school together….Craig went to the local high school in town and I went to an all-girls, Catholic high school in another city.  We didn’t see much of each other during our high school years, but I do recall hearing sporadic sports stories about him.

We both went off to college, Craig was closer to home at Cal and I was a few hours away at the University of Nevada.  During our college years we both were in “serious” relationships, but clearly that didn’t work out for either of us, and thankfully so.

I remember I had just graduated and wanted to continue living up in Reno, where I had also found a job.  I got a Facebook message (sign of the times!) from Craig, and yes, it was very random.  He asked me if I was living back in our hometown and I said no, but I was getting ready to move back.  I wasn’t happy with the job I was in and knew there would be more opportunity for me back in the Bay Area.

I didn’t think much of the message he sent me until I was settled back in at my mom and dad’s, saving money.  Craig was home for the off-season from playing with the Rockies organization and wanted to meet up to hang out.  I thought, okay, why not?

Craig invited me and one or two other friends to go out one night to the local watering hole.  Looking back on that night, I realize we totally ditched Craig’s friends and sat at the bar and talked forever.  There was a scruffy man sitting next to us who butted into our conversation to ask how long we had been together.  Both of us laughed and said we were absolutely not dating and we were just out for the evening with friends.  That was the very beginning of our relationship.

Here’s an early photo of the two of us at my grandma’s:

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It took a few months for either of us to actually admit that we were dating.  At the time, Craig was adamant about not having a girlfriend, clearly that backfired!  I knew from our first time hanging out together that I really, really liked him.  I tried to play it super cool, acting like I didn’t care if he was interested in me or not.  Good thing I did because I totally won him over.  Who could resist me anyway?! – I’M TOTALLY JOKING!    🙂

Craig and I dated for three years before he proposed to me.  At the time, a lot of my friends were getting engaged, getting married, the whole bit.  I always wanted Craig to work at his own pace regarding engagement, but the little girl inside me was waiting for her forever love.  Of course we had talked plenty about wanting to be with one another forever, but I was starting to think the worst and that Craig maybe didn’t want to marry me.

Just before Thanksgiving four years ago, Craig gave me the biggest surprise of my life. We had a fun day planned at Artesa (where we are now wine club members) to do a wine and chocolate pairing.  At the end of our tasting and tour we went out to the terrace to enjoy a glass.  I didn’t even notice that there were two bottles of wine on our table, which should have given things away.  (I’m a lightweight when it comes to booze, so one bottle was more than enough.)

Almost immediately after sitting down, Craig grabbed the second, unopened bottle of wine and showed it to me while he got down on one knee – it said “Will you marry me?” on the label.  From there I just remember crying tears of happiness – I didn’t even see the ring he was putting on my finger.  I just kept crying and saying, “Are you serious?!”  Yep, I was riding high on cloud 9.

The day I said, “Yes!”:

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A year later we were married in St. Helena, CA in front of our closest family and friends.  I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect wedding day.  Now, here we are – three years in and a lifetime to go.

Although I’m no marriage counselor, there’s one thing I do know:  The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person.  How do you know they’re the right person?  Well, you know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.

I’m sure we will have our ups and downs on our continued journey, but I look forward to all of it.  After all, life would be pretty boring if it was perfect.