Tag: parenthood

A Birth Story: Gialina Eve

Ashley2 Comments

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There are two days in my life that I will never forget – one is my wedding day and the other is the day Gialina was born.  I know lots of mommy bloggers share their birth stories, so initially I shied away from the idea of sharing mine.  What changed my mind is that everyone’s story is so unique and beautiful.  There is no right way to give birth and no mother should be shamed for going through natural delivery, an epidural or a c-section.  So much is out of your control when you bring another life into the world and any way that your child arrives is a perfect miracle.

I used to dislike saying that childbirth is such a miracle (silly me – that was before I actually went through it), but as cliche as it sounds, that’s the only way to describe it.  So, so much can go wrong from the time of conception until you meet your baby.   Inevitably, the wold miracle is the only proper one that encompasses the whole process.

I’d like to start by saying that the day I gave birth was just an ordinary day, but it sure didn’t feel that way to me.  I was so done with being pregnant!  Gia’s due date was July 28th, 2016, but our little lady arrived according to her own plan an entire week late.  The morning of August 4th, 2016 I had a pre-scheduled appointment with my OB/GYN.  That morning I felt pretty normal and remember the slightest little stomach cramps.  Of course my brain went straight to “I must be in labor!”

I was hoping that once Craig and I got to the hospital for my doctor’s appointment that they would confirm that I was in labor and I could just stay there and get ready to welcome our daughter.  WRONG!  I got all hooked up to some contraption to check and see if I was actually contracting and in labor, and the answer was a big fat no.  Come to find out, I was only dilated 1cm.  Womp, womp.  I was so bummed to hear this because I was thinking that this was it.  My doctor reminded me that things can change quickly, so don’t let yourself get too fixated on it.  Either way, I was penciled in for induction a few days later if mother nature didn’t get things moving on her own.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting induced.  Modern medicine is amazing and whatever my doctor thought was best for the baby was what I was going to do.  I have to admit that I really, really did not want to be induced.  I had heard a lot of stories about induction and it being a lot more painful, due to the pitocin that is given.

I took my doctor’s advice and just tried to relax as much as possible and not let my body get stressed.  Since I realized again that I was not the one in control here, I went about my day the way I usually would.  I opted for a walk in the neighborhood instead of heading to the gym like I had everyday prior.

Most of the remainder of the day was spent at my mom and dad’s house.  No matter how old I get, I will still always need my mom and that’s who I wanted to be near (along with my husband, of course) if I happened to go into labor.  So, Craig and I hung out at my parents house until my brother flew in from Orange County and my dad got home from work. (Since there was a possibility of being induced, my parents flew my brother home for Gia’s birth.)

All afternoon I was feeling oddly crampy.  I was uncomfortable but it felt more annoying to me than anything else.  I kept asking my mom and Craig, “Am I in labor?  Don’t you think I would know?  I can’t tell if I’m in labor or not.”  I know that sounds ridiculous, but I didn’t know what to expect, as I’ve never even experienced menstrual cramps, let alone childbirth.

We decided it couldn’t hurt to time the “possible” contractions.  I was all over the board when it came to timing these cramps, as I called them.  I was in complete denial that I was in labor and was able to sit and have dinner before I told Craig it was time to go home.

Keeping it real with this one – Here I am, clueless as to the fact that I’d be giving birth very soon:

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Since my dad and brother had arrived home, the house was getting a little louder and I found myself becoming irritable and wanted to be in the quiet of our own home.  Craig and I grabbed our things and were walking down the hallway towards the front door when, yep, you guessed it – my water broke!  It wasn’t at all like what the movies make it out to be.  I literally felt like I had peed my pants and couldn’t stop.

I remember screaming in disbelief, excitement and let’s be real, fear – “MY WATER BROKE, MY WATER BROKE!”  Thankfully, Craig was so on top of things and was dialing labor and delivery before I could think to do it.  The nurses on the other line instructed me to get in the shower and rinse off before making my way to the hospital.

Lucky for me my water broke right next to the downstairs bathroom, so I just went a few steps and took my quick shower.  That’s when sh*t started to get real.  My contractions came like a bat out of hell, fast and furious, almost immediately after my water broke.  Things were so intense that I could hardly get to the car.  I’m pretty sure I just hovered over the passenger seat while Craig drove faster than I’d like to know to get me to the hospital, which was maybe 12 minutes away or so.

I made Craig run the last light before getting to the hospital because I was literally about to give birth in the car.  Craig parked his car in the middle of the emergency room driveway, grabbed me a wheelchair and pushed me into the ER asking how to get to labor and delivery from there.  Everyone was literally staring at us saying nothing until the security guard chimed in and said, “this lady is about of have a baby, get her upstairs!”

Once I was upstairs I was brought to a delivery room right way.  The nurses were so calm and nice, and even making me laugh through my contractions.  Don’t get me wrong people, I was by no means comfortable.  I distinctly remember telling the nurse that I wasn’t opposed to getting an epidural if this was how I was currently feeling.  No need to try and be the hero, right?!

The nurse told me she needed to check me first before she could give me a yay or nay on the epidural.  All you mamas out there are probably thinking, girl it’s too late for that.  The nurse confirmed and said word for word, “Oh no, honey, you’re having a baby right now.”  I was already fully dilated, so I asked the nurse if I could push now.

During all of this chaos, Craig’s car is still in the ER driveway.  He asked the nurse if he should go move it (DUH!), but she said, “Not if you want to miss the birth of your child.”  Thank goodness my family was right behind us on the way to the hospital, so Craig literally tossed my brother his keys, so he could move his car.

I sat down on that delivery bed right around 8 p.m. and I think I pushed maybe five times and she was out by 8:31 p.m.  I had never felt more like Wonder Woman in my entire life.  Well, I should say I felt like Wonder Woman who just got a really good beat down by the bad guy.  I did it!  I was holding our beautiful daughter, who had a head full of hair and the sweetest little face.  When the nurses were weighing her I remember fixating on her hands and feet because I couldn’t get over how big they were.  I was in utter disbelief that she was just inside of me and I was able to push her out.  She was no tiny baby either.  Gia was a healthy 8 lbs 15 oz and 20 inches long.

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Giving birth to our daughter is my proudest moment and I will never tire of telling the story of her arrival.  Women’s bodies are amazing and capable of enduring so much.  I have to say, there was moment after the nurse told me that I couldn’t have an epidural that I got scared.  I questioned if I was strong enough to do it.  I was strong enough, and every time that I look at my daughter today, I cannot believe she is part of me.

I was grateful to be able to have such a quick delivery, but that doesn’t mean it any easier.  I’m just glad I wasn’t laboring and pushing for hours like many women do.  Those women are the real tough ones!  We are all goddesses, whether we have given birth or not, all women are amazing and capable of doing anything.  Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder every now and then!

xo

It Takes A Village

Ashley2 Comments

Since breaking my ankle last week I have never been more appreciative of the help from my family. It’s moments like this where I feel so lucky to live so close to my parents and in-laws. 

Normally, on weekends when Craig is working graveyard, I get my one-on-one time with Gia. We go to the park, run errands and play. Now that I’m helpless with Gia, I’m totally reliant on Craig and our family. 

This past weekend was the first small challenge we had to sort out because of my broken ankle. Prior to getting injured, my mom had planned to drive down to Orange County to help my brother. He has two herniated discs, and after lots of physical therapy and pain, he needed to get an epidural to help him. (We sound like a bunch of gimps in this family!) Zach certainly needed my mom there, as he wouldn’t be able to drive after the procedure. 

With Craig at work Friday-Monday morning, my mom gone, and me being useless, it was my mother-in-law, Gail, who came to my rescue with Gia. 

My biggest worry this weekend was, how am I going to watch Gia? I can’t even change her diaper with this cast and pain, let alone chase her and prepare her food! Craig obviously couldn’t help me when he was home from work because he had to sleep during the day. Our solution was that Gia would have a weekend sleepover with Nana and she would come hang out with me during the afternoon when Craig was up and getting ready to head back to work.

Only Homie is enjoying the fact that I can’t do much:

 

This weekend everything worked out great! What was especially nice about Gail and Harry watching Gia was that they got to have the whole weekend to share with her. In a way, it was good timing because they are heading to a wedding this week and then going straight to see my sister-in-law, Michelle, afterwards. Michelle is due with my second nephew on the 17th – so Gia got to have fun with Nana and Papa before they go to meet their new grandbaby. 

Picture of Gia helping Nana in the kitchen:


 I have to say, this whole ankle ordeal has given my anxiety a major boost. I have endless guilt that I’m not able to do much of anything for Gia, except let her sit on my lap. I am always asking everyone who is helping me with Gia, “Is that okay? Are you sure?” Not to mention the endless amount of  times I’ve said, “I’m sorry.”

I hate that people have to wait on me and that I’m not able to care for my own child without help right now. I know this is all temporary and that it’s just the way things have to go right now – I don’t have much of a choice!

I’m looking at this whole thing as a mental challenge for myself. It’s just another test that has been thrown my way. As always, this will teach me something new, making me a better mother, wife and daughter. 

Photo of G looking too cool during her weekend with Nana & Papa:

Mommy Has An Owie 

AshleyLeave a comment

Two days ago Craig and I loaded up Gia’s beautiful round crib and glider to bring over to the new house. These were the last “big” items that we needed to get in the house before we could officially start living there. 

As beautiful as Gia’s crib is, it’s a pain in the neck because it doesn’t breakdown at all. Almost every normal size doorway does not allow it to pass through, which spells out problems. We had to remove a small piece of wood from the doorway to get it into her new room, just as we had to do at the old house when we first got the crib. 

With the glider and crib being the final big pieces to move in, we decided to start off with the easier of the two and get the glider in first.  Craig was holding one end and I had the other – he was going into the house backwards with it so I didn’t have to. Once we got from the bottom of the driveway up to the walkway things went south. 

While holding the glider and not seeing where the walkway curved, I rolled my ankle off the walkway and into the grass. I immediately screamed out and collapsed to the ground. I’d like to think I’m pretty tough and tolerant of pain – after all, I made it through all natural childbirth of an 8lb. 15oz. baby in 30 minutes. (Yes, I’m proud of that!) Even though I’m tough, the loud snap that Craig and I heard confirmed in my mind, along with the pain, that I definitely had a broken ankle. Even the neighbors came running down the street to see if I was okay. 

Picture of me smiling through the pain:


Low and behold, after a trip to the ER, the doctor came in to give me the bad news. Yep. Broken. The absolute worst part about all of this is being completely useless with Gia. I’m pretty much bed ridden all day because I need to keep my ankle elevated. Anytime I get up I feel like my ankle is about to explode.  Things could have been worse though, so I’m thankful. 

Dr. G is taking good care of me:


I head back to the doctor on Tuesday for the real cast. The one I have is temporary because the swelling needs to go down and the doctor needs to make sure everything is aligned properly. 

I’m not sure how long I’ll be in a cast, or how long I’ll be using crutches. The other upsetting part about all of this is no working out. You never appreciate your health and mobility more than when you’re out for the count. 

Speaking of health – I found out that the blood I donated a few weeks ago went to use at a hospital in West Covina, CA. It’s pretty cool that I was able to find out where it went and that it helped someone in need. That’s just another reminder as to why this broken ankle is just a bump in the road. Life is still good!

When Tragedy Strikes

AshleyLeave a comment

To my horror, this morning I, as well as countless others, woke up to news of the unfathomable tragedy in Las Vegas.  I picked up my phone upon waking and immediately saw news alert after news alert.  With each update, I saw that the death toll and injuries from this absolutely heinous act were climbing and climbing.  I couldn’t help but cry.  I’m so very saddened and shocked that this is the world we live in today.

I texted a friend who lives in Southern California, for I knew she had been in Vegas over the weekend, and I held my breath until I received a text back stating that she was okay.  After texting her, I remembered seeing via social media that a girl I had grown up with was also there with a friend of hers.  I messaged them as well – they were safe yet shook up.  I can’t even imagine.

I also cannot begin to imagine the pain, anger, sadness and grief that families are feeling right now.  Households that were once whole are now forever broken.  (I understand that this is not the only horrific event to happen as of late, but I feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings.  I want everyone reading this to know that they should not politicize my words.  This is just me being human and feeling a wide range of emotions.)

So many lives are forever changed after what occurred last night in Las Vegas – people are without their parents, children, brothers, sisters, friends and acquaintances.  It makes me feel sick thinking that these poor people didn’t know what to do when they heard gun shots raining down on them for over 72 minutes.

Based on the news reports, it was utter chaos at the concert venue where people were trying to escape.  I cannot go without saying that there were many first responders at that Jason Aldean show, as off-duty concert goers.  I believe that those first responders made a huge impact last night in saving lives, in obvious addition to those on-duty.  Police, fire and EMS ran towards the danger while everyone was trying to get away.  The help and bravery of the first responders demonstrates true heroism.  If it weren’t for these people, who knows how many more lives may have been lost.

It’s awful that it takes the worst in humanity to bring out the best in people, but this is something that I think of on a daily basis.  Many of you know that I come from a first responder family and some of you might just be learning that now.

My grandfather was a firefighter who passed away in the line of duty, due to asbestos and smoke exposure – his death was the precedent setting case for the State of California for firefighters who lost their lives on the job.  He is forever immortalized on the wall at the Firefighters Memorial in Sacramento.

My brother-in-law is also a firefighter, as well as some of our very close friends.

My dad was a police officer for his entire career, working in a very busy city.  My father-in-law worked side-by-side with my dad for the same department.  Now my husband is also a police officer.  I hesitate in even mentioning this here because I know that there is so much tension around law enforcement in this day and age.

I was finally able to grasp the true meaning of what it is to be a first responder when I was the one sending them to calls for help.  There was a period before my husband became an officer where I was a 911 dispatcher.  I always knew growing up that my dad had a dangerous job, but I never thought about it much beyond that.  After being the person talking to the officers through their earpiece, I was able to grasp just exactly what my dad and father-in-law did every single day.  Now my husband does it and I have another unique perspective about the job because I am a police wife.

My everything in one photo:

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As I was waking up this morning, my husband, Craig, was coming home from work to sleep.  I asked him if he had heard about what happened in Las Vegas as I got a teary eyed.  I knew full well that he was aware of what had happened, since he had been up and working all night.  I told him that this is the kind of thing that I’m so very afraid of.  Call it tragedy, call it terrorism, or call it whatever you want – all of it is disgusting.

Now that I’m a mother to a beautiful little girl, I am so scared of the world we live in.  I might think a little bit differently than others, but I am always preparing for the worst.  For example, my parents, Gia and I went to San Francisco for the day over the weekend.  On our car ride there I told my parents how that I think completely differently about the world now that Gia is around.  (This is totally normal to a certain degree, but I think I take it up a notch.)  Just driving on the Bay Bridge into the city made me think about how it could be a prime target for an attack.  Then I thought about how we were going to the Ferry Building on the Embarcadero and how that is another potential target for a mass shooting or bombing.

Photo of my dad, Gia and I at the Ferry Building over the weekend:

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I know I cannot live my life in fear, but I am always on alert when I am alone with Gia.  Often I think of how I cannot let anything happen to me because I can’t leave her without her mother.  I’m so protective when we’re together and would jump in front of a moving train if it meant that she would be safe.  I know this is the feeling that many (hopefully all) parents have when it comes to keeping their kids safe.  It’s sad that I have to think about this on a such realistic level now.

I’ve only been to the movie theater one, maybe twice, in the last year, but even that experience has forever changed.  I think hard about where I should sit in case there is a deranged person who wants to harm everyone in the theater.  It’s just really very frightening that my mind even goes there.

I’m kind of starting to ramble on now, so I’ll wrap this up.  What I’m getting at is that there are people out there who go directly towards danger every single day.  They don’t think twice about it.  That is pretty amazing.  My hope is that you can walk up to someone wearing a badge and say “thank you.”  It doesn’t matter if it’s a police badge, a firefighter badge, a military badge, or an EMS badge – just thank them for what they do on a daily basis while we live our lives.  Many are quick to bash our first responders, but remember, they are the ones you call when you need help.

I know thoughts and prayers are never enough when tragedy strikes, but I offer them anyway.  My warmest condolences go out to everyone connected to the violence in Las Vegas.

Las Vegas is in desperate need for blood donations.  Here is a list of locations where you can donate if you live in Nevada:

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Self Care Is Not Pampering!

Ashley6 Comments

When I talk about self care, I feel like many people tend to think I mean pampering.  They couldn’t be more wrong!  While pampering does fall under the self care category, not all self care is pampering.  You still with me?  To me, self care is being your own best advocate, setting boundaries, making time for hobbies – it’s simply creating time for what you need and doing what you can to make it happen.

That last part is key – doing what you can to make it happen.  Today I did a bit of self care and I’m so glad I took a small part of my day to make myself a priority.  It’s too easy in life (especially when you have the demands of family, children, a career and everything in between) to forget about what you need to do for yourself so you can thrive.  I tell myself when I’m feeling unnecessary mom guilt that if I don’t take good care of myself, I cannot take the best care of my daughter and family.  Additionally, I want to lead Gia by example and let her know that it’s important to be good to your mind, body and soul.

Forms of self care that I’m working on:

  • Unplug – Yes, I’m telling you to put the iPhone down!  It’s not that easy to do, especially with social media, e-mails, phone calls, face time sessions, etc.  I feel a sense of freedom when I take a break from my electronics, as hard as it may be in the moment.
  • Practice Meditation – Okay, this one I’m really, really bad at.  For the last few years my New Year’s Resolution has been to practice more yoga.  Want to know how much yoga I’ve done in the last few years? — that’s right, NONE!  Wait, I take that back.  I did go to a wine and yoga retreat a couple of months back with girlfriends.  Does that count for a mini meditation?  My point here is, it’s good to practice something that makes you feel that mind-body connection.  For me, I think yoga will make me more mindful and relaxed, so I’m holding myself accountable by talking about it here.  Minimally, I’d like to at least do some deep breathing and stretching once a day.  Hopefully you guys can keep tabs on me and make sure I follow through!

Photo Of The Last Time I Did Yoga:

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  • Sleep – You’d think sleep would be an easy one after chasing a busy toddler all day long.  Not so much!  I’m someone who suffers from pretty bad anxiety and have had a history of depression, which, unfortunately does not make for a sound night’s sleep.  Just because I have anxiety and have had depression do NOT mean that I don’t love my life and appreciate it.  It’s the perfectionist in me that puts me on planet crazy and keeps me from sweet dreams.

Gia Demonstrating What I Need To Get Better At:

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  • Talk To Someone – Psychologists, therapists and spiritual mentors can make some people feel a little bit uneasy, I get that.  I’m not into all that stuff either, but I see the benefit of it.  For months I’ve been putting myself on the back burner regarding my anxiety and today I finally said, enough.  As uncomfortable as it can be to talk to a total stranger about your deepest thoughts, it’s such a release.  Today that’s exactly what I did – I went and talked to a psychologist about my feelings of anxiety and feel so much better.  It doesn’t mean that all of my “problems” are gone, but it’s a big step in the right direction.  I have to say I’m kind of proud of myself!  🙂

Forms of self care that I rock at:

  • Energize Your Body – I do something to “move” every single day.  It’s not selfish, it’s good for me and good for Gia.  I go to the gym to train five days per week.  Obviously when things come up or if Gia doesn’t feel like playing in the child care for an hour then I reevaluate.  The days I don’t get a traditional workout in, I take Gia on a walk or we go on an adventure.  It makes me feel so much more awake and alive for the entire day.
  • Take A Bath Or Shower – This one sounds a little, well, gross.  You don’t always get to shower when you want to after having a child.  Sometimes you’re too damn tired and other times you literally cannot.  Maybe that’s TMI, but it’s the truth!  I make sure to use my favorite body wash and skin care products when I get cleaned up.  It makes me feel beautiful and refreshed to smell so nice and have hydrated, happy skin.

Even Our Dog Homie Needs Some Self Care:

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  • Read Something, Anything! – I’m a big book worm and I read anything I can get my hands on.  Lately my reading has been in the form of other blogs that motivate me to be the best version of myself.  I try and set aside time to read when Gia is down for a nap or after she’s gone to bed.  It’s the perfect way for me to wind down.
  • Enjoy A Piece of Chocolate, Or Glass Of Wine – Better yet, enjoy the chocolate and wine together!  I used to fret over anything “bad” that went into my body.  No more!  If your body wants a little treat, then by all means, eat the chocolate and drink the wine!  The gym and your regularly scheduled eating routine will be there tomorrow.  You won’t fall off track – it might even help you stay on track by not depriving yourself of what you want!

Gia says it’s okay to get chocolate wasted once in a while:

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I hope you guys can relate to some of that!  How do you self care?  I’d love to hear how others take care of their mind, body and soul.  Comment and let me know!