Tag: sleep

9 Things I Learned From Having My First Baby That I Hope To Remember With Baby #2

Ashley1 Comment

Two short years ago I was very pregnant with my first little girl, Gialina.  I had no idea that she’d choose to over stay her welcome by one full week, then decide to come into the world with the ferocity of a thrashing great white shark, all while weighing an ounce shy of 9 lbs.

Today I’m 30 weeks pregnant with Gia’s little sister and I can’t help but feel a little bit more anxious about her arrival.  A lot of it has to do with the fact that I know what to expect when it comes to an unmedicated labor and delivery, but a bigger part has to do with how we will adjust to adding a new member to the family.

Don’t get me wrong, being a new mom isn’t easy – no matter how many times you do it.  It’s always a challenge adjusting to no sleep, postpartum pain and numerous other things that come with the territory.

With my second baby arriving around October 4th, I know some aspects of this new mom thing will be easier.  It’s not because I’m suddenly an expert after having one child.  I’m still unorganized at times, drowning in laundry and tired.  I’ve just got more tricks up my sleeve this time around.  Most of my tricks are really just common sense that I didn’t have the first time around with Gia.

So expectant mamas and new mamas alike – don’t wait for your second or third baby to read this.  If I could send a letter back in time here are a few things I would tell myself before having kids:

You will never be fully prepared for what it’s like to be a parent.  It doesn’t matter how many books you’ve read, how many friends/family you have with children, how much you’ve nested, or how long you’ve actually waited to become a parent.  No amount of preparation will truly prepare you for children.  You will learn so much about yourself and your spouse the moment that little life comes into this world.  You will have a lot that you will continue to learn, so consider this the most educational experience of your life.

Appreciate your pre-baby body for all that it has done for you.  You will never realize how amazing and beautiful your body is until you’ve given birth.  Before having a child I spent too many days worrying about that one dessert, worrying about how my jeans looked and all of the workouts that I just had to complete.  As hard as it will be to see your body change through pregnancy, it is equally as amazing.  Once Gia arrived I realized there was so much more to life than a bikini body.  I can still want to look and feel good, but in a healthier way.  I would never want my daughters to be so critical and self-depricating, the way I once was about myself.

It’s okay to ask for help.  You think you know how to do it all, but you don’t.  Take a few deep breaths and tell yourself, “this too shall pass.”  You’re going to make mistakes, but how you come back from them is what matters most.  You don’t need to be superhuman.

Tell everyone around you how much you love and appreciate them.  They’ll never tire of hearing it, so tell them every chance you get.  After giving birth you will appreciate your mother in a way that you never could before becoming a mother yourself.  Tell your spouse how much you love them, because they will be your rock while you recover from labor and delivery.

Just when you think you’re starting to figure things out the routine changes.  I felt like this was most relevant for me during the newborn phase.  Just when I thought we were doing X amount of naps per day, it changed to Y amount.  Babies and toddlers change and grow so quickly that you can’t expect these phases to last long.  So be prepared, once you fee like you’ve mastered something it’s about to change in a hurry!

If nursing hurts and doesn’t get better after the initial latch, unlatch and try again.  I did not consider myself successful at breast-feeding.  In fact, I felt so shamed by the lactation consultants when I sought help.  I remember after my first night in the hospital with Gia that I felt so lucky that she latched well.  The problem was that she looked like she had a perfect latch (according to the nurses), but I still had issues.  I gave breast-feeding my best shot for about a month or so.  It was one of the most stressful things I’ve been through in adjusting to life as a new mother.  I don’t say these things to scare new moms, but I say it in hopes of people taking initiative to educate themselves.  Go take a breast-feeding class offered by your hospital.  I did this and found it very helpful and I’m even signed up for the same class before baby #2 arrives.  I developed a very, very severe case of mastitis while breast-feeding with Gia.  It was so shocking to me that the signs and symptoms of mastitis were never mentioned to me during my first breast-feeding class.  If your breast feels hot to the touch, has red splotches, or you have a high fever, it’s likely you are suffering from mastitis.  This was what took me out of the breast-feeding game.  TMI but, I had nipples that were cracked like the Grand Canyon, blood blisters, the whole nine yards.  I mention all of this because there is nothing wrong with making the decision to stop nursing.  At the end of the day fed is best and when our kids hit kindergarten no one will know who had formula and who had breast milk.  You need to be the best mom you can be and sometimes that means knowing when to stop something.

Make sure the ruffles on the diaper aren’t tucked in.  This might seem really stupid and basic, but it’s very helpful if your child is having diapers that explode often.  Another good thing to try if you feel like you’re changing diapers and outfits on the regular is go up a diaper size.  I didn’t really have to worry about this too much, but did have to remind relatives that ruffles go out!

Swaddle, sway, swing, shush!  If you’re baby is having a hard time sleeping (day or night) you need to swaddle your baby.  It makes them feel safe and secure, just like when they were in your tummy.  Swaying and swinging motions help many babies fall asleep once they’re swaddled because that motion feels the same as the motion they felt while growing inside of you.  Think about it – you didn’t sit your entire pregnancy.  When you moved, your baby moved.  It’s comforting!  The shush noise was also something they heard in the womb.  You have blood flowing and tons of other bodily fluids that are moving throughout your entire body that create a shush sound that makes baby feel at home because it’s all they hear all the time.  (I just mention these tips because I remember they worked for me.  All babies are different and just because I say it worked for me doesn’t mean it has to work for you and your baby.)  I read a book called “The Happiest Baby On The Block,” prior to Gia’s arrival that really dives into these tips.

Just say NO!  Now that I’m a mom of an almost two-year old I’m used to saying that little two-letter word.  People are going to want to come visit you and the baby right after birth.  People are going to tell you that you need to be feeding them solids by a certain age and that they should have rice cereal in their bottle.  People are going to tell you that you don’t need to be so routine oriented about their sleep schedule.  You know what you say to all those people?  NO.  Just because certain things worked for them doesn’t mean you should do it too.  Anything being said to you that’s annoying, opinionated and unsolicited – just go ahead and say no.  It’s your baby, not theirs.

The bottom line here is listen to your gut.  Becoming a new mom for the first, second or third time is a lot.  Like I’ve said many times before, we’re all just winging it and doing what works best for us.  I’m glad I’ve put this all on my blog because it serves as something I can come back to so I can remind myself of these things.  Lord knows that two months from now I’m gonna forget all about everything I learned the first time around with Gia.  Here’s to hoping I re-read this post during all of the middle of the night feeding sessions that I’ll soon be experiencing.  Don’t be hard on yourself, trust the process and trust yourself!  You’ve got this!

xo

Finding Balance While Maintaining A Sleep Schedule

Ashley2 Comments

To schedule or not to schedule?!  The idea of having some kind of routine for Gia crept into my mind during the first few weeks after taking her home from the hospital.  I read a couple of sleep solution books prior to Gia being born, in anticipation of being so sleep deprived myself that the last thing on my mind would be a book.

I’ve always been someone who likes a routine and babies and little ones like it too — or so I’ve read.  🙂  For the sake of making sure Gia was/is happy, thriving & rested, I adopted a schedule for her.  I didn’t really know what I was doing, but what I figured was best was to follow Gia’s cues.  And when I say schedule I’m primarily talking about a sleep schedule.

Over the last year and a half we’ve gotten a rhythm and have a pretty good system that works for us.  Nowadays, Gia takes one nap around noon and will usually sleep until 2:30-3 pm.  I prefer to be home for her naps so she can be better rested by sleeping in her crib, as opposed to sleeping on-the-go in the car or in her stroller.  That’s not to say that we don’t do that occasionally, but it doesn’t work as well for us.

Over-tired and out to dinner:

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Here’s a little secret:  I’ve always been in awe of the parents who are “no-schedule” kind of schedulers.  I think it’s because I wish I could be a little bit more like that.  You know what I mean….fly by the seat of your pants, take every minute as it comes kind of thing.  That’s just not how I’m wired, but I’m working hard to bring more of that free spirited attitude into my life.

Again, I know there is no wrong way to do things when it comes to a schedule for your child, or lack there of one.  I just like learning from the ways that other parents do it, so I can see if it works for my family too.

The reason why a set nap time in her crib works best is because Gia does not transfer well from the car to her crib.  I’ve successfully transferred her mayyyybe two times in her life.  For me it’s just not worth having an over-tired, cranky toddler by the time 4 pm rolls around, especially since days as a stay-at-home parent can feel long when they don’t go smoothly.  (Days are long for anyone – working parent, stay-at-home parent, etc.)  I know for a fact that people think I’m strict about how our day goes with Gia, but I really don’t care anymore.  What works for us may or may not work for others and there’s nothing wrong with that.

This is the “no nap” look:

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What I do know about making sure Gia gets adequate day time sleep is that she sleeps well at night because of it.  She’s always been a good little sleeper, but if I make sure she’s happy and rested it makes life so much easier for me.

A typical day with no exciting plans usually looks like this:

  • 7 am Wake up
  • Breakfast time + play time
  • 9 am Gym (Gia plays in the daycare while we workout)
  • 11 am Lunch time for Gia
  • Play until nap time at noon-ish
  • 2:30-3 pm Wake up
  • Play + snack
  • Run necessary errands or go to the park
  • 5 pm dinner for Gia
  • Bath time
  • 7 pm Bed time

We went down from two naps to one nap per day for Gia pretty soon after her first birthday.  She was fighting going down for her second nap of the day on a consistent basis, so I knew that was a sign to cut it down to one nap.  That nap transition wasn’t the easiest because I felt limited in what we could get done in the morning.  If we were in the car anywhere from 10 am on, that would result in falling asleep and hindering the sleep plan for the day.  Not the end of the world, but still tough on mom, dad and toddler.

Now, we just make it work and I never feel deprived or as if I don’t get to go do anything with her because of our routine.  I’m making a point to go out once a week where we just wing it through the day, as far as naps and a schedule goes.  Many times this results in a challenging afternoon due to an over-tired 18 month old, but we are all learning how to deal with these curveballs.  In a strange way, the days that naps go haywire are the days where my mental health is challenged and made stronger.  See, I’m finding the positive in something that I would’ve considered negative.

On-the-go sleep:

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I’m curious, do any other parents out there have any tricks up their sleeve regarding schedules and napping?  What do you guys do when your child has skipped their nap?  How do you make it until bedtime with minimal meltdowns?  What do you do if you want to enjoy a day out as a family?

I know sometimes these hiccups are just par for the course, but I’d love to hear what works for others so we can try things out to see if they work for us too.  We’re in this together!

xo

 

Self Care Is Not Pampering!

Ashley6 Comments

When I talk about self care, I feel like many people tend to think I mean pampering.  They couldn’t be more wrong!  While pampering does fall under the self care category, not all self care is pampering.  You still with me?  To me, self care is being your own best advocate, setting boundaries, making time for hobbies – it’s simply creating time for what you need and doing what you can to make it happen.

That last part is key – doing what you can to make it happen.  Today I did a bit of self care and I’m so glad I took a small part of my day to make myself a priority.  It’s too easy in life (especially when you have the demands of family, children, a career and everything in between) to forget about what you need to do for yourself so you can thrive.  I tell myself when I’m feeling unnecessary mom guilt that if I don’t take good care of myself, I cannot take the best care of my daughter and family.  Additionally, I want to lead Gia by example and let her know that it’s important to be good to your mind, body and soul.

Forms of self care that I’m working on:

  • Unplug – Yes, I’m telling you to put the iPhone down!  It’s not that easy to do, especially with social media, e-mails, phone calls, face time sessions, etc.  I feel a sense of freedom when I take a break from my electronics, as hard as it may be in the moment.
  • Practice Meditation – Okay, this one I’m really, really bad at.  For the last few years my New Year’s Resolution has been to practice more yoga.  Want to know how much yoga I’ve done in the last few years? — that’s right, NONE!  Wait, I take that back.  I did go to a wine and yoga retreat a couple of months back with girlfriends.  Does that count for a mini meditation?  My point here is, it’s good to practice something that makes you feel that mind-body connection.  For me, I think yoga will make me more mindful and relaxed, so I’m holding myself accountable by talking about it here.  Minimally, I’d like to at least do some deep breathing and stretching once a day.  Hopefully you guys can keep tabs on me and make sure I follow through!

Photo Of The Last Time I Did Yoga:

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  • Sleep – You’d think sleep would be an easy one after chasing a busy toddler all day long.  Not so much!  I’m someone who suffers from pretty bad anxiety and have had a history of depression, which, unfortunately does not make for a sound night’s sleep.  Just because I have anxiety and have had depression do NOT mean that I don’t love my life and appreciate it.  It’s the perfectionist in me that puts me on planet crazy and keeps me from sweet dreams.

Gia Demonstrating What I Need To Get Better At:

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  • Talk To Someone – Psychologists, therapists and spiritual mentors can make some people feel a little bit uneasy, I get that.  I’m not into all that stuff either, but I see the benefit of it.  For months I’ve been putting myself on the back burner regarding my anxiety and today I finally said, enough.  As uncomfortable as it can be to talk to a total stranger about your deepest thoughts, it’s such a release.  Today that’s exactly what I did – I went and talked to a psychologist about my feelings of anxiety and feel so much better.  It doesn’t mean that all of my “problems” are gone, but it’s a big step in the right direction.  I have to say I’m kind of proud of myself!  🙂

Forms of self care that I rock at:

  • Energize Your Body – I do something to “move” every single day.  It’s not selfish, it’s good for me and good for Gia.  I go to the gym to train five days per week.  Obviously when things come up or if Gia doesn’t feel like playing in the child care for an hour then I reevaluate.  The days I don’t get a traditional workout in, I take Gia on a walk or we go on an adventure.  It makes me feel so much more awake and alive for the entire day.
  • Take A Bath Or Shower – This one sounds a little, well, gross.  You don’t always get to shower when you want to after having a child.  Sometimes you’re too damn tired and other times you literally cannot.  Maybe that’s TMI, but it’s the truth!  I make sure to use my favorite body wash and skin care products when I get cleaned up.  It makes me feel beautiful and refreshed to smell so nice and have hydrated, happy skin.

Even Our Dog Homie Needs Some Self Care:

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  • Read Something, Anything! – I’m a big book worm and I read anything I can get my hands on.  Lately my reading has been in the form of other blogs that motivate me to be the best version of myself.  I try and set aside time to read when Gia is down for a nap or after she’s gone to bed.  It’s the perfect way for me to wind down.
  • Enjoy A Piece of Chocolate, Or Glass Of Wine – Better yet, enjoy the chocolate and wine together!  I used to fret over anything “bad” that went into my body.  No more!  If your body wants a little treat, then by all means, eat the chocolate and drink the wine!  The gym and your regularly scheduled eating routine will be there tomorrow.  You won’t fall off track – it might even help you stay on track by not depriving yourself of what you want!

Gia says it’s okay to get chocolate wasted once in a while:

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I hope you guys can relate to some of that!  How do you self care?  I’d love to hear how others take care of their mind, body and soul.  Comment and let me know!